I took a long hiatus from blogging (1 week is kinda long for me, considering I used to update once per day) because I didn't really have the mood and time to blog. Although Promos are over, but there's still Project Work to deal with. Literally everyone (okay, fine, almost everyone. I could think of a couple of counter-examples) in my school is trying their best to complete PW, be it Written Report, Oral Presentation or I&R.
PW eats up your life. Everyday, I go to school to sleep, do PW or get my Promo papers back. If you read closely enough, you would notice the lack of dancing. Yup, that's right, I haven't really danced in a week, not even go to OSchool for classes, because of PW.
Furthermore, my overall results now stand at BDD. I haven't gotten back my Econs yet. I think I might be just able to save my scholarship, but that is still uncertain. Add this uncertainty up with the hectic rush to finish PW, then it's not exactly the mood you would want to dance with. Thankfully, my group have managed to finalize the WR, and started work on OP. After tomorrow, I'll know my complete results. Hopefully my mood would have lighten up enough to make me dance without worries.
Just came back from dinner with Casey, Tack Kian, and Wilson not long ago. We had a nice long discussion throughout the whole ordeal, and one of them was what I wanted to blog about. But before I get to that, I would like to admit something that I think not many people know--
I am closer to the J2 dancers than the J1s.
Even when I'm not in the mood for dancing, my legs would automatically walk me to the PE studio. I would just go there to rest (sometimes even to sleep) or fool around with the other dancers. When I get there, I often find the J2s there studying, dancing or resting too. In the hindsight, I realized that what Glenn said was true: to many dancers, the PE studio is like a second home. We eat, sleep, dance and play there. As for the J1s, not many J1s would go to the studio often (by often, I mean more than thrice per week). Over time, I got closer to the J2s than the J1s. But that's not to say I'm not close to the J1s, just that I am relatively closer to the J2s.
I know that their A-Levels are coming very soon, and frankly speaking, I am quite worried for some of the J2s. You know something is wrong if a J2 asks you to help him out with an Organic Chem question, and you could do it. I hope they would do well, and subsequently, I hope I will too. I know it would be a matter of time before we would part ways. They would move on to NS or universities; I would move on to J2 (hopefully, with my scholarship intact). There's not much time till then, so I intend to spend some time with them before farewell.
In all honesty, I think it's actually quite queer that I reluctant to let go of ppl from a club that I am not part of. Ironically, I do not feel anything for my senior class at all. I think the conversations and dancing with the MAD J2s are a big part of my J1 life, and I treasure them.
The dinners at KAP and BTP; the hanging out at PE studio; the late night conversations at Serene; it will end soon. Too soon for comfort, I might say.
And as for today's point of conversation, there was a large part about relationships. I would not go into the rumors and the petty details (to list them here on my blog is equivalent to painting a shooting target on myself), but I was intrigued by the notion of going into a relationship itself.
Some people thinks that they would not want to commit themseles into a relationship because they would rather spend their time upgrading themselves (like improving their skills or learn something) than "wasting time on something that might not work out in the end". That point has some validity in it, I admit, but this comes from a person who has never been in a relationship before. It became quite a heated debate actually.
What that person doesn't know is that, when one is in a relationship, one would feel like one is in a sea of happiness. One would feel like their floating. I know this, because I have been through this myself (surprising to some ppl, eh?) True, why spend time to chase after something that might not work in the end? "But the effort and time is worth it", to put it in Casey's words himself. A person must be in a relationship to understand what I mean.
I was reminded of my past experiences, and I looked back at my memories with a kind of bittersweet sentiment. But what that means was that I was reminded of you. I haven't thought about you in a very long time, so you could say I am over it. I know you won't be reading this, but I still want to say I have moved on. Ever since that night, I have heard of little news of you, and I am glad that you have moved on too. I was the one who suggested it, but don't think I was not hurt in asking for it. Remember that you're the one who forced my hands. I hope you've learn your mistake and not repeat it. And I hope you don't hate me for it. As for me, I think I rather remain single for now. Girls that I like are far and few between, and I think I want to keep it this way -- far. I don't fancy getting hurt again anytime soon.
Moments are not eternal, but the chain of memories is.
-
