For the first time in weeks, I actually feel emotional. And I don't know why. Maybe it's because I just finished watching Desperate Housewives. Maybe it's because Vincent is writing his new emo song beside me. Argh. I just don't know.
You know, most of the time, I got this naggy feeling that I'm not really in touch with my emotions. Like sometimes I have to force myself to smile or laugh. I haven't really felt joyous or sad or anything at all for the past days. It's like I'm mechanical or something.
Sometimes, when I go down to the dining hall for mealtime, I have to see this particular group of female seniors that I really dislike. Actually, I don't hate all of them, but just a few particular. It's like they're fucking bimbos or something. I find 2 specific girls fucking shallow in their perception of ppl, because they only judge ppl by their appearance. "Oohh, look at that hot guy!" or "She looks great!", then they will somehow flirt their way to get to know them. They act like they're the hottest girls around, but in reality, they look nothing near that standard.
But the most disturbing part is how they failed to consider the fact that these "friends" they made are just putting up an act. A facade. Ah, that word comes up often doesn't it?
"Facade"
You see, everyone puts it up. It gets tiring sometimes. Sometimes, I just wanna be who I am -- me. The thing about facade it that it will wear off sooner or later, exposing a person's true colours. The colours can either be gracefully bright or dangerously dark.
When you are able to be who you really are, then you know you have found trustworthy friends. Friends who know who you are and understand you completely. I am glad to have found these true friends. Sometimes, I just got to remember that it's not worth the effort and energy to bitch about the ppl I don't like, instead I should focus on my true friends.
Thank you guys for being there. =)
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I think the other reason I feel emo is because I feel that I am very lousy in dancing. Ryan's class yesterday made me realize that I have a long way to go. Today, I went to the PE studio to practice his choreo, and no matter how much I've practiced, I feel like it still doesn't look good. Perhaps because I wasn't focusing during the class? Maybe I didn't pay enough attention to the details? Or how bout this -- Maybe I'm just not good enough?
Sometimes, I wish I have an instructor that can teach me everything about dance. Not only technically stuff like how to control facial expressions, how to isolate this, how to do that. I am talking about EVERYTHING about dance, like what dance is about, what hip hop is about, how to display emotions properly.
Sigh. I think some of you guys might not even understand what I'm talking about.
I may be better than some ppl, but there's still tons of ppl ahead of me. It's going to be a long and steep uphill journey from here.
There's recital practice tomorrow. It's the last practice before the full dress rehearsal on Sunday. Guys, let's do this! I am considering going for Ann Tan's open class tomorrow too. These may be the last few times I'm able to learn from her. I think I may ask some of the instructors for advice too tomorrow so that I'll know how to improve myself.
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